All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
