Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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