I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
