It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
