Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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