I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
