things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
