honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
