Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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