i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
