I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
