Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
