My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
