Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
