isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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