I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
