she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
