I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
