I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
