Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
