Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
