remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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