I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
