im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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