Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
