Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
