Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
