my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
