R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
