mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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