I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
