So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just blew my weed a kiss
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
