I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
