I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize