Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
