my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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