If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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