It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
