he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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