a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
