shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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