...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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