lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
