I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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