you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
