You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
