I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
