Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
