I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
