I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
