My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
